i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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