Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
