If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
did you just send me my own nude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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