Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
