How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
