I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
