My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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