you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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