he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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