I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
