So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
