I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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