I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
