hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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