Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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