Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
