One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am midnight drunk by noon
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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