dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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