Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
