i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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