just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
