Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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