Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
