Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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