I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i love accidental penises.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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