____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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