Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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