I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
