My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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