You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
