I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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