i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize