Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
