I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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