Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
