Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
