Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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