I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
