girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
