I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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