So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
