i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
