Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
