Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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