It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
