well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize