You really coming over, don't trick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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