we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
