these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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