You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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