Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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