weddingsv make me drug and hornr
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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