Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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