Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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