How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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