Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
