captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Congratulations! We have a period
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
