A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my poor anus
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
