I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
