Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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