it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
