Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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