I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
