Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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