mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
