he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
