My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
