1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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