Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
