why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
how drunk are you?
Several
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
