Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
can u get pink eye on your cock?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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