you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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