Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it