Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?

(313): View more from Michigan

Ya

(586): View more from Michigan

I used to kick so much ass

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(816): View more from Missouri

FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...

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(206): View more from Washington

you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(414): View more from Wisconsin

they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

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(513): View more from Ohio

Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

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(727): View more from Florida

I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move

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(702): View more from Nevada

It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.

(702): View more from Nevada

To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.

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