now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.