but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
