I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
