On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well I can't set my house on fire every night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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