So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
