Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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