got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
