Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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