My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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