i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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