Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
