Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
