Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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