i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
