feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
