Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm both gender and math confused
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
